sharp. witty. cynical.
22
Aug

Why So Serious? – Proposals In Rio

Silver is cool, and imma let you finish...but a diamond ring is forever B...

Silver is cool, and imma let you finish…but a diamond ring is forever B…

Soooo…this happened.

For the long version and all the gooey details - click here

Short version:
He Zi (Chinese diver) wins a silver in the 3m springboard…
her boyfriend of six years, Qin Kai (bronze, 3m synchronized springboard) then decides to get down on one knee and propose to his woman…
cool…

Right?

So apparently there has been all kinds of drama on social media about this

one camp thinks its amazing…
while the other thinks Qin Kai did an awful thing and was trying to diminish He Zi’s medal win by proposing in that setting…

because as you know…
marriage congratulations and Olympic medal congratulations are not the same…
there’s levels to this shit…

It may also be that fearless diver Qin Kai also denied her the pleasure of receiving her marriage congratulations at a different time and place…
so everyone there was offering just double congratulations…
who the fuck asked you to consolidate?

let’s simply ignore the possibility that this might be his last Olympic games (dude is 30) and he wanted to go out with a blast…

but…but…why didn’t he propose to his girlfriend when he won his own medal?

good question
just a guess but I would say he didn’t want to distract the fuck out of his girlfriend who would be diving the next day…
…but that is just a guess.

I think the faux outrage is amusing

I chose the “article” above for the referenced Twitter comments even though I do not know most of these people (and doubt I will be googling any of them later…)

Trev Butler said:

“Why did he have to steal her moment?”

uh… for the record, here is He Zi’s medal history at the olympics…

  • 2012 – won gold (with Wu Minxia) in women’s 3m springboard synchronized diving at the 2012 Summer Olympics.
  • 2012 – won silver in 3m in women’s 3m springboard diving at the 2012 Summer Olympics.
  • 2016 – won silver in 3m in women’s 3m springboard diving at the 2016 Summer Olympics.

so why is everyone acting like she hasn’t been there before?

Charlotte L Riley tweeted:

“Public proposals are bad enough but a public proposal that also detracts attention from the fact that she’s just won a silver medal?! Nope.”

well this sentiment would suggest that proposals trump medals in whatever fucked up hierarchy is being used in judgement…right?

Bruno Sandilands said:

“Definitely trolled her moment. Marriage proposal should be a personal and private moment – then and only then will you get a true answer. A lady should never feel pressurised into making a life changing decision on the spot. She has trained years for this let her enjoy her time.”

There is a certain cynicism in this sentiment that tickles me.
No! Don’t make an amazing memory that she will remember forever
No! Don’t allow her to share that memory with other people
…especially her teammates or family/friends in the stands
No! Don’t have a story for your kids
…who does that anyway?

Marcus wrote:

“Imagine winning a silver medal and your boyfriend makes it all about him with a marriage proposal.”

yeah.
because it’s not you people making it about him
i guess that’s what he gets for making his girl the happiest woman in the arena…

overcome... with joy? or acute embarrassment? overcome…
with joy?
or acute embarrassment?

I cannot wait to hear what my friend M has to say about this…
M has a very strict “No proposals in public” policy
the proposal must be private or not at all…
no friends…no family…
no elaborate setup to surprise her in front of people.
she has promised to disgrace any man who seeks to disgrace her…

Another said: “What a way to add pressure to her, having the entire world watch her as she makes such a private and life-changing decision.”

I actually laughed at this.
here’s my question:
After 6 years of being in a relationship with someone, why on earth would the decision to marry that same person would be considered “life changing”??

side note 1:
I am surprised that nobody thought to be “outraged” on behalf of Shi Tingmao.
She actually won the event…and had her ceremony “upstaged”
so gold medal…but no voltrons

Glad she seemed to be loving the whole thing.

outrage!!outrage!!

side note 2:
this was the second marriage proposal of the Rio Games 2016
but I guess nobody wanted to bother bashing Marjorie Enya on Isadora Cerullo’s behalf…
must be because Isadora didn’t win a medal

rugby

yeah…that must be it.

25
Jun

[Humpday - Nightcap]

 

he pulls into his driveway
lets out a breath
long day
all he wants is a shower
maybe some food
definitely his bed
he grabs his stuff and begins the long walk to the front door
then his phone rings
its her…
he stops in his tracks…
he: hello
she: hi, you make it home okay?
he: yeah, just walking to my front door, you have perfect timing
she: you think so huh?
he: yeah
she: did your day get any better? or more bullshit?
he: long story short, i had to re do the entire report…i’m dead on my feet
she: well, i thought that might happen so i thought up a few ways to relax you
he resumes his walk to the front door
this time it has slowed to a leisurely stroll
he cradles the phone between his ear and shoulder as he rummages for his keys
he: what did you have in mind?
she: well you have to promise not to freak out…
he pulls open the front door, a puzzled look on his face as he steps in
he: why would i fr—
she steps out of his bedroom door
she’s wearing her favorite t-shirt…
it’s all black
with the letters X.O. in white
a souvenir from the Weeknd concert where they met…
he can see every inch of her long long tanned legs…
…because she isn’t wearing anything else…or so he hopes

he: how did you ge—
she doesn’t let him finish
she pulls out her phone and reads off the screen
she: hide-a-key under the front porch…come over whenever
he: i sent that 2 weeks ago!
she: i know
he: you didn’t even respond!
she: i know
he: where have you been?
she: Brazil
he looks at her in total disbelief…
he: Brazil? what for?
she: i had a project to finish, so I left to finish it…now i’m back
he stands there staring at her…drinking her in
she smiles at him
she: lets get you out of this jacket and shoes
she takes off his jacket and hands him a glass of dark liquid
there’s less than 2 fingers…
he: barely anything in here
she: i know. that’s your shot. down it. no questions.
he raises a brow but downs the liquid as requested
he hands it back and gets another glass in return
this one is near full
she: Jameson on the rocks…sit and sip till you feel better
he doesn’t argue
he hops on the couch, puts his feet up, and throws his head back
he looks up in time to see her disappear back into his bedroom
he’s feeling more alert…
…more cheeky
he: do you have anything on under that shirt?
she: …
he: come on…i’m dying to know
he hears her moving around
[then the song above starts playing]
her t-shirt comes flying out the doorway
she: come find out

28
Feb

Party Girls…

yet another friday…
yet another opportunity for all kinds of drunken debauchery.
use this as your theme song…

18
Dec

[Gorilla]

not the biggest Bruno Mars fan…
but this track strikes my fancy
as your humpday progresses, imagine singing this to your target…
imagine your target eyeing you up and down as this song plays in the background
…possibilities abound.

18
Nov

Naughty Boy Monday

to linkbait or not to linkbait?
decisions…decisions.

5
Nov

[turbo slut]

Huntress_Vol_3-2_Cover-1
“she’s trying to run through the whole crew”

all the guys at the table turned to the waitress that was bussing the next table
they might have looked less surprised if she’d jumped on the table and started stripping
she saw the disbelief in their faces, shrugged and went back to work

she felt the heat of their expectant gazes
and looked up with a smirk
“should i explain then…?”
nods all around
she then proceeded to educate these clueless freshmen…
this particular female was a predator
not a very one but a predator nonetheless
she was trying to sleep with each guy in their group
and was trying to be slick about it
she was finding reasons to visit their dorm rooms
making up reasons for the guys to come visit her
neither was really necessary
when you consider how voluptuous she was…
but
the problem was…
she was trying to run through the whole crew
maybe it was a power trip
maybe she was just bored and needed a challenge
what was amazing was that the guys couldn’t figure it out on their own

with that revelation in hand they went and compared notes
same sad sob story
same invitations to come get drunk with her
same come-hither looks in the hallway
same vigorous grinding on the dance-floor

but it turns out that all guys don’t like turbo sluts…
well…most guys.
of the 8 guys in this group
two of them broke away
and sampled her wares
the rest shunned her
even when she was “dating” one of the guys
maybe guys don’t like it when girls usurp their “hunter” role
or maybe guys don’t like that she was very free with her goodies
or it maybe it was the idea of sloppy seconds…
or thirds…
or fourths

4
Nov

[The Illusion of Unavailability]

playing-hard-to-get-challenge-acceptedguest post by 3hvndred

The art of seduction is exactly what it says…
an art form.
It is not usually described in this way
not just because it requires a certain degree of expertise
but rather,
because each and every one of us must develop our own style of seduction…
similar to the way artists have their own individual style
such that any art historian worth his or her weight in oil paints can differentiate a Manet from a Monet.

There are so many rules to seduction:
how women are meant to behave…
attitudes they must give off…
for said seduction to take effect.
One of the more prominent rules is the illusion of unavailability.
This works on the simple premise that
we as human beings often want, crave, and deeply desire things we cannot have.
It is a notion that women,
especially in the geographical location I originate from,
have taken on board
and in certain cases taken to the nth degree.

You meet a beautiful woman
and you spend a few days
or weeks
trying to get to know her
in order to,
at some point,
present your intentions…
But weeks and months,
sometimes years,
elapse
without you being able to make your intentions known or entertained.
This frustrates you
so one of two things happen…

you either give up on her, and move on
or you turn up the heat, and make empty promises
with false hopes destined to lead you into a world of temporary forevers
That’s where all the issues come from.

Girls wonder why men are so willing to lie and say anything just to get the girl.
Well it is due in large part to the eye-of-needle sized rings of fire women want men to jump through in order to prove themselves.

I spent 2 years trying to convince this girl that I really did like her
and that I wanted to be with her.
This week we settled on the fact that we are better of as friends
because the relationship,
if it were to start,
would be a long distance one
and I don’t think she or I would want that.
If it didn’t take so long to get to that point
we may have been able to take the relationship to a place strong enough to handle distance.
I’m upset because I feel I’ve lost out on a possible “good thing”.
but honestly,
I don’t know what else I could have said or done
but for 2 years, home girl was grossly unavailable to me
even though she actually was…available.
Now that she is ACTUALLY available,
the reality is that it can’t happen.
Who knows, maybe she simply wasn’t meant to be.

But this is a serious issue because when a guy borrows his friend’s car
and borrows money
and sets up elaborate situations
all for the girl to take him seriously,
he just ditches them as soon as he gets what he wants.
A lot of guys in my situation would lie about their future
and just enjoy her for the time I have left here.
It’s the fear of God and a deservedly grandiose sense of self that prevents me from compromising my character and reputation for the sake of “getting some”.
I’m not saying women must be easy;
all I’m advocating is that women must understand that this is meant to be an ILLUSION.
If you are actually unavailable
then you shouldn’t entertain advances from me for more than five minutes.
If you are available then all you need to do is display slight nonchalance
but as time moves on,
you must observe me and adjust yourself to the “work” I’m putting in.
I don’t require a free and easy ride,
the softly arduous nature adds to the intensity and passion of a relationship.
But the flipside is that you may end up dating a guy who originally just wanted some one-night-fun
but then had to create this world of attraction in order to get you
because trust me some guys are THAT committed to “getting some”.
Soon as he does he’ll be out the door
and you know what the worst part is,
you lose time more than he does…
This is pure fact.
Be smart about seduction;
listen to your instincts…
it is a very powerful force within you so it is necessary to key into it.
As for the guys,
you’ve got to know when to leave it…
going the extra mile is commendable
but 200 extra miles on an empty tank is a tad silly
and she almost starts to lose respect for you…
and even if you eventually get her,
it’s a bad foundation to build a relationship on.
In all things…
Instinct is king.

guest post by 3hvndred

1
Oct

Love Me Again…

this is just an awesome song
and an awesome video
a bunch of white folks partying and dancing
and not giving a general fuck about what they look like doing it
there’s one white boy in there that looks like he’s catching the spirit
hilarious stuff right there

29
Sep

Sulu vs. Monday

when I wake up…and Monday tries to knock me down (as usual)
I just play this clip and let acting captain Hikaru Sulu threaten the heck out of Monday on my behalf…
I just replace “John Harrison” with “Monday”
then I repeat as often as I like until Monday cringes in fear
the reign of Monday is nearing an end…
…i think.

28
Aug

[Shots Fired] – repost

not my typical hump-day fare…
but i’m jamming the hell out of it.

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Search:
Archives
Blogs That Are Better Than Mine
© Copyright 2010-2016 Sardonically Barbed. All rights reserved. Created by Dream-Theme — premium wordpress themes. Proudly powered by WordPress.