December 30th, 2011 | No Comments »

“After having sex with me, catholic boys start rocking back and forth praying fervently…”

“Catholic boys refuse to cum during sex because they’re afraid if they do, God will punish them for wasting their seed…”

“Catholic boys only have sex with the lights off…because if the lights are off then it’s not a sin…”

Random comments from an equally random and quirky female.
Apparently there’s this phenomenon called catholic guilt
I was totally unaware of it, and immediately asked for an explanation…
The comparison I got was as follows:

There are those religious people that know something is bad/against their religion, and they make a conscious effort to avoid it completely
Then there are those who know its bad, and choose to do it anyway and make all kinds of justifications, such as: oh that belief is outdated/these are different times
Then there are those, (Catholics specifically) who know that some particular thing is bad and do it anyway, then start feeling guilty immediately after, (or sometimes during), and these special people are said to be suffering from catholic guilt

These poor fucks are also said to feel the need to cleanse themselves immediately after whatever sin they’ve chosen to commit, and/or perform some sort of penance which includes but is not limited to fasting, long prayer sessions, bible study, and good deeds to their fellow man.
This is all well and good, but the problem for others is the tendency of those afflicted with catholic guilt to drag unsuspecting accomplices down with them.

Scenario:
Guy meets girl at bar
Both get shitfaced and proceed to girl’s apartment
Wild monkey sex ensues
Girl wakes up in the morning, guy is gone.
Guy then shows up that evening to complain and castigate girl for making him have sex with her and doing things he shouldn’t have enjoyed.
Guy is wracked with guilt for his actions and apparently wants girl to feel the same way.
Girl is flabbergasted and feels the tiniest bit of guilt (unwarranted of course) and proceeds to try to calm/comfort Guy.
In the process of touching and kind words they have sex…
And little does Girl know that the whole guilt-tripping process is about to be repeated the next day.

This scenario actually happened and while a bit on the hilarious side, confuses me to no end.

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December 27th, 2011 | No Comments »
[excerpt from Wikipedia]
The Ring of Gyges is a mythical magical artifact mentioned by the philosopher Plato in book 2 of his Republic, It granted its owner the power to become invisible at will. Through the story of the ring, Republic discusses whether a typical person would be moral if he did not have to fear the consequences of his actions.
According to the legend, Gyges of Lydia was a shepherd in the service of King Candaules of Lydia. After an earthquake, a cave was revealed in a mountainside where Gyges was feeding his flock. Entering the cave, Gyges discovered that it was in fact a tomb with a bronze horse containing a corpse, larger than that of a man, who wore a golden ring, which Gyges pocketed. He discovered that the ring gave him the power to become invisible by adjusting it. Gyges then arranged to be chosen as one of the messengers who reported to the king as to the status of the flocks. Arriving at the palace, Gyges used his new power of invisibility to seduce the queen, and with her help he murdered the king, and became king of Lydia himself.

 

My philosophy teacher was a perv.
Brilliant and eloquent.
But a serious perv.
He often regaled us with stories of drunken debauchery and displayed a weakness for large-breasted girls in tight tops, and leggy blondes in short skirts.
If you wanted an extension, (and happened to be a girl) all you’d have to do was go to his office in something skimpy and sit on his desk.
True story. It was tried and tested.
Oftentimes when we expected graded papers, he would come to class on Monday and explain that he had been drunk since Friday and hence had no papers to pass out.
Rumor was that he got drunk one night and fell down the stairs to his apt.
May he rest in peace.
The guy could teach his ass off though…and his lessons usually stuck.
To illustrate the issue of morality, he asked the following:
If you were a high-school boy, and you found the Ring of Gyges, would it be considered wrong to put it on and walk into the cheerleaders’ locker room when they were showering?
Now of course all the guys said no, and all the girls said yes.
To the girls he asked further: why?
And he asked them to frame their answer giving full consideration to the fact that nobody would see the guy in question and hence nobody would ever find out.
[more from Wikipedia]
Suppose now that there were two such magic rings, and the just put on one of them and the unjust the other; no man can be imagined to be of such an iron nature that he would stand fast in justice. No man would keep his hands off what was not his own when he could safely take what he liked out of the market, or go into houses and lie with any one at his pleasure, or kill or release from prison whom he would, and in all respects be like a god among men.Then the actions of the just would be as the actions of the unjust; they would both come at last to the same point. And this we may truly affirm to be a great proof that a man is just, not willingly or because he thinks that justice is any good to him individually, but of necessity, for wherever any one thinks that he can safely be unjust, there he is unjust.
I was wondering just the other day what would happen to the world and its general moral backbone if it were to be discovered today that God/Jesus was actually against monogamy.
That is to say, the idea that you would have only one partner for the rest of your life was flawed.
Wrong.
A mistake…
What if it was that all religions, societies, empires, were found to be in staunch support of polygamy?
Would everyone switch overnight?
If not…how long would it take?
Picture your best friend, colleague, brother/sister, who the day before was regaling you with stories of marital bliss….Can you see that person saying the same given the moral and societal freedom to be with as many people as they wished with zero consequence?
What would happen to the word whore and slut?
*image by Joell Hall*
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December 27th, 2011 | No Comments »

comedy.

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December 17th, 2011 | No Comments »
Mama always said to stay away from the crazy ones…
But is that really good advice?
Is it okay to have never experienced what its like to be with a girl with issues/mild psychosis/heaps of crazy?
Most anecdotes are sprinkled with stories of slashed tires, 4am sob-filled phone calls, threats, pleas, promises, and so on…but whenever any of my friends is telling a story about his crazy experience with “Girl X” I always listen intently for a timeline in the midst of all the superlatives:
“that was the worst year of my life…”
“…and that shit went on for months”
I always then ask…
“WHY did you put up with her?”
And the usual answers?
The rush.
The excitement.
The sex.
Guy meets girl.
They date.
They shag.
And the girl is the prototypical lady in the streets and freak between the sheets
At a minimum?
She would have to at least be an 8.5 out of 10.
Im talking about the kind of nookie that has you shifting the rankings of previous partners down to make room for her at the top.
Simply that good.
Suddenly dude starts making excuses for her erratic behavior
Things that would normally piss him off or even be dealbreakers, don’t even lose her points anymore.
his tolerance has been adjusted…
suddenly you start to understand why that relationship went on for so long
they kept getting back together
yeah, she begged. But he went back for more. Willingly.
Every man should date at least two crazy women.
Why?
So you know what crazy looks like
…that way, when you grow up, you can spot it
…and run.
So you know what crazy tastes like…
….like snorting a mix of cocaine, ecstasy, and viagra.
So you can get it out of your system…
…cuz face it, there’s something exciting about them, men are drawn to them like moths to the proverbial flame. And somehow we don’t seem to mind the pain of our wings being burned off.
So you can learn a thing or two…
About sex, women, life…your eventual next girlfriend will thank you for it.
So you wont be the only one without stories…
“…yeah she was insane, but she could suck a tennis ball through a garden hose”
or something along those lines.
The pros outweigh the cons.
Don’t they?
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December 16th, 2011 | No Comments »
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December 14th, 2011 | Comments Off on friend-Zone of the Enders

It’s the place that guys with weak game/mojo/lyrics go to rot for the rest of their natural lives, yet it is not uncommon for a man or two with strong game to be placed in this friend zone due to bad timing, dating history, or a whole host of other conditions that stipulate placement in purgatory.

When I think of the friend-zone I always picture the scenes in Superman II where Zod and his minions are trapped in the “thin glass” and floating through space…                   (i think its called the Phantom Zone on “Smallville”)

Some men have been lucky enough to meet two amazing women at the same time (or at least within the same courting period) and have had to choose one (or neither) of the two.

Now with the second woman, the man has the choice to willingly enter the friend zone or cut off all contact with her if he feels that something might happen should he continue to associate with her on a regular basis

Disclaimer: this does not account for the drama-seeking bad boy who will either:

  1. date both women at the same time
  2. date the first, and keep the second on ice until needed
  3. date neither and shag both.

Given the scenario above, is that guy really losing out?

I thought up some benefits to having girl-friends (ie: filling out a friend-zone application form) as opposed to attempting to turn every woman you meet into a girlfriend

(this assumes that if such attempt does fail then feelings will be bruised enough to entail both individuals choosing to part ways. Rejection is a m’fker)

…this girl is hot.

Shes smart.

Shes everything you’d want in a girlfriend

There’s no point considering this for an average female because why would you suffer the friend zone when you could actually do better?

She might ask you for a bunch of favors but then she’d owe you

She will give you insight into the mind of a female with no-strings

Non-emotional banter

As a wingman, she could prove useful

Your boys don’t always have the best ideas come Valentine’s season

these reasons not enough?? Stay tuned…

 

*image lifted from ashleyudoh.blogspot.com*

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December 13th, 2011 | No Comments »
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December 13th, 2011 | No Comments »
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December 5th, 2011 | 3 Comments »

It’s February 9, 1988 and you are watching your best friend unwrap one of God’s greatest gifts to mankind…at least in your mind.

What is that gift?

A brand new copy of Contra*

(*Probotector to my British friends with PAL Nintendos)

He pops it in (without blowing on it of course) and turns it on.

You barely have time to enjoy the techno goodness of the soundtrack before he’s furiously tapping away at the Player 1 controller…

Up, Up,

Down, Down,

Left, Right,

Left Right,

B, A,

Select,

Start.

Thirty. Lives.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen,

Before even trying the game on for size, he has already decided to use a cheat code.

Now as a gamer this seriously affects my sensibilities…

You haven’t even bothered to TRY before deciding that you need additional assistance to beat the game…

This is how I feel about when a significant other decides to ask this very simple question:

“Why did you and your ex break up?”

First and foremost?

This is a ridiculous question.

Second?

It really is none of your business. Unless of course you knew said ex, and had a vested interest in the success of the relationship…but then that would make your current assignment as significant other kinda weird wouldn’t it?

Yeah.

There’s really no concrete justification for this line of questioning.

If your boyfriend asks…then he wants to be lied to.

Tell him what he wants to hear and roll over and go back to sleep.

His insecurities will probably keep him up for a while, but that’s not your problem.

If your girlfriend says, “I want to get to know you better”

Then talk about your hobbies, aspirations, and the night you discovered masturbation.

Any boyfriend/girlfriend that wants to know about your past relationship is looking for a cheat code…a way to get around the initial difficulties that already foresee without having to go through the failure themselves.

What to do.

What not to do.

And hopefully they will get a recent pressure point that they can use to their advantage…

…either to appease/soothe by not repeating the mistakes of the unfortunate ex

…or to throw in your face at the earliest opportunity

Either way you have absolutely nothing to gain by divulging that information.

Don’t do it.

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