January 30th, 2012 | 1 Comment »

When you decide to be friends with a female it comes with its own special brand of problems
problems that really don’t seem to have clear-cut solutions
but instead sink you deeper and deeper into the quagmire of nonsense
Sam and Jane are friends
Sam and Jane are close
Sam is picky when he comes to females and cannot seem to date a girl for more than 3 months
is he a bit of an asshole?
possibly
but he does wine them
dine them
and shags them proper like

In month one, he’s enamored with them
in month two, he’s comfortable
by the start of month three he’s tired of them…and planning his exit strategy
he as complained about his particular malady to Jane who is convinced he will find the “right” girl

Jane also has relationship problems
she often finds herself in long term relationships
relationships where she is totally committed
100%, head over heels in love
…with assholes/wastrels/skirt-chasers/and every fucked up male there is on planet earth.
Jane does not know how to pick men…
and even when it is abundantly clear that the guy is no good for her?
she still has “faith” that she can make the relationship work.
this author will not call her a complete idiot…but might be thinking it

Sam’s problems with Jane begin with Jane’s new friend Tracey…
Tracey is single and looking for a man
and of course, the gods of mischief and mayhem somehow planted the idea in Jane’s head that Sam would be the perfect boyfriend for Tracey…
and course Tracey is the perfect girl for Sam
she will tame his wild heart and make a good man out of him
so without further ado, she begins to gush about her new friend
and regale Sam with little tidbits of her wonderful character
Sam essentially is fucked.
if she meets this girl and likes what he sees…he knows that he might as well whip out the hourglass and flip it over…
he knows that if he meets her and doesn’t like what he sees…he’s still in trouble because he’s dealing with a hopeless romantic.
the only thing he does want is to keep his friend…
I do wonder if that’s at all possible.

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January 26th, 2012 | 1 Comment »

You hate him.
you never want to see him again
you hurt
you were crying a few hours ago
now you’re just miserable
why is it that when you’re miserable, everyone else seems so happy?
dammit
you definitely don’t want to be around people
you just want to be in a dark room
so you can seethe
about him
you rattle the ice in your glass
more vodka
that should help shouldn’t it?
you walk over to the bar
the waiter sees you coming
Stoli?
Rocks?
you just nod
it doesn’t even burn on the way down
the bartender has this look on his face
you don’t care
you want him to try to stop you
maybe number 7 will numb your insides
he pours it and cocks his head to the side
follow you?
sure
JesusBeAnAxeMurdererBecauseIWannaDie
the cool night air is a quick slap
suddenly the blunt is in your hand and you suck at it greedily
usually it makes you hazy and sleepy
not today
today it’s a welcome balm to your aching heart and a spark to your brain
sweet sweet strawberry kush
you feel his eyes on you
roving over your body
taking in the knee-high boots and the handkerchief skirt
he likes what he sees
they all do
his eyes meet yours and he turns away
you raise an eyebrow
well m’fker?
do something.
suddenly you’re pressed up against the way
frantic palming of your ass
his furtive tongue darting in and out of your mouth
you sigh inwardly
you hate gropers
you hate bad kissers
you hate this situation
you push him off
wipe your lips
and take a long leisurely last drag
as you walk off you hear his muttered curse
damn right you’re a bitch
bitches have power
bitches don’t cry
bitches don’t let stupid ex-boyfriends rip their hearts out of their chests
you hear a giggle
you know that sound
there are two figures in the far corner
its your roommate!
Finally!
stupid girl drags you to a party and then leaves you by yourself…
some best friend she is…
you squeal her name and rush over
maybe she can cheer you up
not that she didn’t already try to
for hours on end
but you needed to get that cry out
you have to figure out a way to make it up to her
what’s this?
who’s the hottie she’s with?
you look over her shoulder as she’s talking to you
you catch his slow mocking appraisal
he looks as damaged as you feel
he looks like a much better prospect than the desperate bartender
he looks fun
you toss your hair
fix your “come hither” smile on your face
you feel alive
he licks his lips nervously
good
you want him eating out of your palm
in your mind you want as much power over him as that rat-bastard had over you
tonight you’ll do the hurting
poor guy doesn’t know what’s coming…

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January 25th, 2012 | No Comments »

You didn’t want to come to this party
but here you are anyway
the music is too loud so you step outside
its cool and crisp like air should always be
you pop out a menthol and start the systematic pat-down
nothing
fuck.
then there’s the all too familiar click
then a flame appears
illuminating the corner of the building
in those short seconds, a face appears
then its gone
you saunter over
plant yourself in front of the body that owns the face
and you wait
Cool and suspicious eyes asses your waiting stare and the cigarette between your lips
shortly you’re puffing away in mutual silence
you ask his name
he asks your major
soon the conversation is flowing hard and fast and you’re laughing at everything
both love Jack Daniels and Cannes flicks
both November babies
Sagittarius
he pleases your eye
and you are interested in finding out just what the gleam in his eye actually means
then you hear a sound
it’s a familiar sound
but also one that means impending doom
its your roommate
your drunk, horny, bitter roommate
she’s yelling your name
you turn and wave, and smile apologetically at him
but you know deep down that you are the one that will need the apology
she runs up to you
bubbly
excited
high as a fucking kite
you stop her endless babbling to introduce her to your new friend
you turn and say her name
and then you look back at him
and that sinking feeling hits
his eyes are glazed over
his tongue is in knots
that easy camaraderie is long gone
he is staring at her in befuddlement and has nary a thought for you
you look back at her and watch as her predatory instincts activate
she smiles for him
1.21 gigawatts of unrestrained sexual power.
you walk away.
they don’t notice.
for a half hour you bonded
you were interested in a cute guy and he was interested back
would you have taken him home?
you don’t know but you would have loved to have had the choice as to whether to be deliciously promiscuous or not
with him
this is the third one that you have lost to her
but you aren’t even angry
it’s a testament to their weakness that they start with you and end with her
or is a testament to your plainness?
no
not plainness
just a helpless desire to endure punishment by standing next to her
the cab ride home would be torture
but as you splash coke into your double, you decide it doesn’t have to be that way
let her find her way home
let her find a new best friend
let her find a new roommate
feels good to punish her in your mind
tomorrow it will all go back to normal

Part II of the vixen series
Conclusion coming soon

Posted in Uncategorized
January 25th, 2012 | 2 Comments »

You knock on her door…
eager anticipation paints a stupid grin on your face
it’s gonna be good…you think to yourself
it’s going to be fun.
the door swings open and it’s a familiar face
not the one you want
not *her* face
you greet her warmly
she greets you with a whispered hello…and a wry smile
why so crestfallen?
she must have been expecting company herself
no matter
we can all hang together
step in the room
she’s right past the wall
you take a deeeeeeeep breath
bracing yourself
for the onslaught of her
oh and isn’t this perfect?
the lights are out and a movie is on
you can hear the voices coming from the flatscreen in the corner
she didn’t say tonight was movie night…
but then you didn’t call to tell her you were coming over either
no matter
here we go
poke your head round the short wall…
and there she is.
she’s sitting up against her headboard
knees pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around her legs
she’s intent on the screen
she can’t see you
you take that half-second to admire her
her toes are stuck under her comforter
but you remember she had the cutest toes
that day they were fuchsia
She had just got a pedi
you look at her face
you remember the eyes of piercing blue
soft pouty lips
right then, parted ever so slightly
then there’s a shrill scream from the TV
she jumps!
and then turns and buries her head into the shoulder of the guy sitting next to her
wait…what?
he puts his arm around her and chuckles
gives her a squeeze
your world is ending
they don’t see you
they’re both engrossed in the movie
you quickly turn back towards the door
the roommate is still there
oh look.
she still has the door open
there’s that wry, pitying smile again
you stare at her
she looks at you with a slight shrug that says
dude. You are not the first.
you hesitate
but you cannot look back. Not at her.
you step into the hallway and the door shuts softly behind you

Almost everyone has had a one-nighter in college/university
now whether both parties knew or agreed that it was a one-nighter is a different story altogether
this is a short excerpt from the life of a boy that was soon to become a man
he met a girl
he liked the girl
he hooked up with the girl
unfortunately for him
this girl only wanted a one-nighter
and she got it
he and his punch-drunk love have now been officially bitchslapped
but this is not the end of the story…

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January 24th, 2012 | 2 Comments »

sometimes you find a story that makes you nod your head and be pleased with the world…the story below should satisfy that urge.

+1 for Chris King.

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January 24th, 2012 | No Comments »

You are both in love always in that moment
Intense on the edge
Begging to tip over
Begging to stay in that moment
Forever.
The veil is drawn
No questions unanswered
You know all, love all.
Unhearing, unseeing, you drift
Away on the high
Complete, whole.
Then it’s awakening;
Eyes drawn, you gaze
You may feel but can not really know –
That moment has been someone else’s too perhaps
You’ve been there before too but this seems
More.
It is lived for, the daily routine a dance
To this point
Time apart only prelude to forever.
You couldn’t have seen that otherness coming
Now a stranger with a stranger.
It stays with you.

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January 23rd, 2012 | 8 Comments »

I have a girlfriend that is looking to get married
That is to say I have a friend who is a girl, and is looking to get married
…and not to me.
She’s 24.
Smart.
Well educated.
Stylish & Sophisticated.
Oh and she’s smoking hot.
So.
what seems to be the problem officer?
Actually, there is no problem.
At least not with her attributes, personality, or wifely skills.
Did I mention she can cook up a storm?
Tasmanian devil in the kitchen I tell you.
If you’re staring at your screen waiting for me to reveal the catch
…well wonder no more

She and I were having a conversation one day about marital infidelity
Its causes, prevalence, and possible prevention.
We came up with a bunch of “what-if” scenarios and shared our possible reactions and
remedies to them
It was then she dropped the bombshell.

Her: my husband is going to cheat
He is a man…and all men cheat.
Me: what if you find a good man? One that doesn’t want to cheat?
And never does?
Her: Doesn’t matter. In my mind he has already cheated.

For her it doesn’t matter if he resists temptation.
He has already been measured and found wanting…
Now I threw up the argument that her mindset could turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy;
Basically that her indifference to his potential infidelity would cause him to seek it
But she argued that she wouldn’t be apathetic to it, on the contrary, she would expect him home at night, quiz him, and love him (all at the same time of course) like any normal wife.

She just believes that this man, no matter how saintly, would find a way to sneak in a quick lay behind her back no matter how vigilant she would be.
So to ease her own mind. She concluded that all men do and will cheat on their wives and she is prepared to get married with that notion stuck firmly in her head.

I do wonder how many women (and men) have come to this selfsame conclusion…
…I also wonder if it would actually work to save/prolong a marriage.

Posted in Uncategorized
January 21st, 2012 | 1 Comment »


The Truth is…

 When a guy sees a girl for the first time and finds her attractive,
 he goes through the different motions to sleep with her.
 It all starts from the first time he sees her
 and more or less ends with an event I call ‘the lift’

Boy sees girl,
boy says hello to girl,
they start talking,
 they flirt a bit,
 they exchange phone numbers,
 they talk on the phone,
 they have dinner,
more flirting,
 a good night kiss,
 chemistry develops,
 they flirt harder,
 talk gets dirtier,
 pictures and videos get thrown into the mix,
 the lust intensifies,
 they do a bit more than kissing,
 hands go under clothes,
 clothes come off,
 lips go all over,
 hands go places but are stopped halfway,
 the night ends abruptly.

 
 when they meet up again,
 more kissing, touching, nibbling,
 hands are all over the place,
 he puts his hand down her pants and she doesn’t stop him,
 he tries to take ‘em off then she stops him,
 they nibble some more,
 they kiss some more,
 its late,
  another abrupt end.

 
  more talk,
  flirting dominated by the need to go all the way,
  when they meet again,
 its more intense,
 the kissing,
 touching,
 nibbling,
 tasting,
 there’s a sense of inevitability now,
 they just go with the flow,
 this time, when he goes to touch her,
 she lets him,
 when he slides his hand down her pants,
 she doesn’t stop him,
 he tries to take em off,
 and she ‘lifts’ her hips to help him.
 boy shags girl.

[guest post by The Truth]

Posted in Uncategorized
January 19th, 2012 | 2 Comments »

I have been in love and then, almost inevitably, have had my heart broken. Both are felt deeply and physically and colour the world as bright and as dark as only they can. The falling was accompanied by a soundtrack of hours spent listening to music newly discovered in common or shared as new and then becoming part of our canon. Metaphor and literal, music was a deep vein that sometimes bled in response to the joy or pain that comes from having your heart so wide open and wrapped around the object of your affection. It was a betrayal to see or hear him share songs with anyone else. Trivial you may think but for me a sign of disloyalty – our secret treasures shared with strangers, interlopers. We can be so focused on the wrong things! We grew, as did the collection, our finds so intertwined we could not tell who the credit should go to and didn’t really care. Playlists shared, songs sent over thousands of miles, a thread linking me to you, proof of life, of love. Now I am left with thousands of memories, reminders. I crave silence and then find I cannot live without the music even as it is a thousand pinpricks drawing blood with each memory.

Recently found, a rare simultaneous find, in a moment between late night and early morning, this song and it’s heartfelt video came as a beautifully wrapped gift. It moved and held us silent together, in love with music together. Rhythm and melody, lyrics and movement all perfectly, heartbreakingly in sync – like the best moments of falling and being in our love.

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January 15th, 2012 | No Comments »
Posted in Uncategorized