July 25th, 2012 | 1 Comment »

Like most women at the moment I’m working my way through the 50 shades trilogy,
I’m currently at the beginning of book 2.
What’s struck me so far isn’t just the red room of pain,
the whips and spanking
or the contract
(although perhaps some relationships would benefit from terms being laid bare early on?), but that actually, we’ve all been there.
Ok not necessarily with all the dom/sub shenanigans,
but in a relationship with someone that drives you fucking crazy,
both sexually and mentally.
Relationships can start with something as innocent as a simple kiss.
You look into their eyes and feel like you can see deep into their soul,
except it’s all blurry;
you can’t quite make it out.
It makes you intrigued, you want more.
The kissing intensifies and the passion takes over.
There’s an insatiable attraction between you.
One look is all it takes, all it takes to make you want them…
You want them physically,
but when you look into their eyes, you want more.
There’s more to have and you want it.
Even when the sex is over it always goes back to a kiss;
and that look when your eyes connect,
it feels like they can tell everything about you from that look,
yet to you…they’re still blurry.
You can’t work them out.
But every fibre of your being wants to…
No matter what you find,
you want to know.
You want to know so you can understand why they are the way they are;
so you can help them escape from whatever torment it is that you can see lurking in those fucked up shades of grey that cloud your view to their soul…

We’ve all been there right?
Because in our own way; we’re all at least 50 shades of fucked up.
No matter how deep we can see into each other’s eyes,
each other’s souls,
we’ll never get to the bottom because it’s constantly moving away from us;
we’re constantly developing shade after shade.
Maybe this is what keeps relationships together,
the continued intrigue and insatiable attraction,
or maybe it’s what pulls them apart…

[guest post by the Yearning Ninny]

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July 18th, 2012 | No Comments »

its humpday again…
there are worse things in life than Kylie repeatedly asking me if i really “wanna” while wearing that amazing…contraption
the woman is 44…and looks 23
that alone is reason enough to go out there and ask someone if they wanna…
do it now.

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July 16th, 2012 | No Comments »

its all about your paper.
fuck monday and the horse it rode in on.

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July 12th, 2012 | No Comments »

It is real.
Its roots run deep, beyond reason.
Suppress it, battle it, give in to it, resist – it exists, lives.
It’s the reason why…and why not.
It’s what drives you,  a compelling force…
what motivates you,
keeps you working into the night
and has you up at the crack of dawn.
It’s what holds you back.
It gnaws at you,
makes you second-guess yourself,
question everything,
stops you cold in your tracks and leaves you with regret.
It’s part of who you are…and who you don’t want to be.
You look in the mirror until you don’t recognize yourself.
You cling to it…
maybe keeping your eyes on it will be your keep you from it.
You suppress it, or it will taint your victories.
You embrace it, for it must exist for a reason?
You resist, you refuse to be dictated to.
You give in to it.

I blame myself.
Maybe if I hadn’t said the words…
admitted to him the fear I felt,
tried to share it to make it lighter,
to make it nothing to be scared of…
That memory calls to me out of the dark –
You missed something,
you made a mistake,
you’ve no one to blame but yourself.
Cause and Consequence.
Is it poverty or Hunger?
Failure or Disappointment?
Loneliness? Loss?
Growing Old? Ill Health?
Or just time getting away from you?

guest post by the Fallout

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July 9th, 2012 | 3 Comments »

another monday
another abrupt end to the weekend
yet another opportunity to get crunk and bitch-slap your week
do yourself a favor and stop whatever it is you’re doing,
click play
and turn your speakers way up
if this track doesn’t get you pumped for your day…for your week…?
then I can’t help you.
in fact, nobody can.
just crawl back into your cave.

the rest of you?
get crunk.

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July 6th, 2012 | No Comments »

classic from way back when…
how could you possibly go wrong with so many heavy hitters?
and my man Cool Breeze…
something to bump in the ride as you enjoy your friday…

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July 4th, 2012 | 5 Comments »

Its been four days…
four long and excruciating days…
she looks over at her blackberry
it just sits there, screen dark, unyielding
mocking her need.
half her brain taunts her with chants of “I told you so”
the other half is curled in a fetal position, rocking back and forth
that half simply cannot believe that he would do this
four whole days
96 hours since they last spoke
5760 minutes since she felt that tug in her belly
his voice always got her
always left her wanting more
at least now she could admit it to herself…
…she wanted more.

it started off as a fling
he flirted with her unceasingly whenever they were around each other
their mutual friends noticed how their eyes followed each other around the room
even if neither of them did
their dinner dates were always conversation and laughter filled
their movie nights intimate and comfortable
phone conversations
hours long
and then the sex…
she refused to think about the sex…
that part was just too much for her fragile mind to take.
but there was something missing
he seemed aloof at times
cold even
like he was trying to keep his distance from her
finally she broached the subject
she was never one for the “what are we doing?” conversation
but she felt like she was in danger of going down the rabbit hole with a faulty parachute
and she’d rather not
so they talked…
it was actually pretty casual
he really liked her, he said.
really enjoyed spending time with her, he said.
not seeing anyone else…he said.
No, he did not want to be in a relationship.
was not looking for a girlfriend or anything long term…
nothing against her, of course, but that was his where he was and his mind wasn’t for changing

and now here she is

…four days later
not a word from him
she is going crazy

what would happen if he called?
would she feel that familiar pull?
what if he showed up at her apartment?
would she open the door?
would she be able to not let him in?
Oh God…what if he touched her…?
she might erupt
turn to putty in his hands
…the worst part is, she knows she’d enjoy every minute and not even hate herself in the morning.
she has to be strong
but what if willing herself to be strong is simply not enough?
So she has her girlfriends…
they’ve given her tons of distraction…four days worth
but now she wants to call him
wants him to call her
to want her
Damn, she needs something stronger…
something to take the edge off
to dull her mind
something to soothe the burning in her brain
thoughts of him are a neverending stream through her mind
an infeststion
she needs him out of her head

desperately and now

she picks up her phone
scrolls through
she knows what she has to do
she wants HIM

…but what she needs is another guy

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July 4th, 2012 | 1 Comment »

coming up with tracks for Hump-day has been an interesting experience so far.
i find that i hardly pick recent music,
instead i go into the archives and drag up some 90s or early 2000s tracks
i guess that means im “old school”?
or maybe thats when r&b was really…well…r&b
it’s also a warning to any woman who thinks i might play Chris Brown or someone else of his wack ilk in the bedroom…
i will not.

now go hump someone.
if anyone uses this particular song, please let me know
its one of my favorites.

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July 2nd, 2012 | No Comments »

small tribute to the crazy storms hitting major cities all over the world
hope everyone has a good week and stays dry
{texas drawl} happy monday y’all {texas drawl}

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