May 6th, 2012

ad·dic·tion pronunciation: \ə-ˈdik-shən, a-\
Date: 1599
1 : the quality or state of being addicted <addiction to reading>
2 : compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful.

Addiction is a sneaky creature.
It creeps up on you,
crawls under your skin,
becomes a part of you.
There’s the honeymoon period when your drug of choice fills all the empty, aching spaces and makes everything good
but it’s not long before the need for it, the missing of it, causes it’s own pain.
You can’t remember a time before, the past fades away faced with the immediacy of the present need.
The definitions of addiction talk of substance abuse, compulsive behaviours
drugs and alcohol, gambling.
There is no reference or warning therein about addiction to a person
and yet it’s obvious isn’t it?
Obvious and yet perhaps (or therefore) more insidious.
Being addicted to a person might be the most subtle of all…
and it comes with it’s own special combination of behaviours and substances that give you that rush, make you crave that fix.
Endorphins, pheromones, hormones – those are just the basic physical factors.
The brain kicks in with it’s own special needs and wants and you can’t turn it off.
You might have a chance to spot this kind of addiction coming
– if it’s one of those out of character things brought on by difficult circumstances
or if it’s tied to another addiction
(say if you have a thing with your dealer/bartender/loan shark)
but what if it’s a friend?
What if it’s someone ostensibly good and good for you?
What if they make you feel good,
be better,
give you that stimulation you need,
provide motivation?
What if everything’s better with them and not quite the same without?
Where’s the line, when does it tip over?
When you start to feel withdrawal symptoms when you are separated
but isn’t that just missing them?
When you take risks you wouldn’t normally
but isn’t that just coming out of your comfort zone?
When you’d do anything for them, anything they ask
but isn’t that just love?
Who decides and who can judge?
Are we all either living with addiction or recovering until next time, even seeking it out?

So I want to drink with him,
talk to him,
fuck him,
and sleep with him,
wake with him
or to his words or voice if we must part.
So I need constant stimulation and he’s always got something for me
– to read, listen to, watch, think about.
There is no question of right or wrong,
just of now and when.
What then is this?

guest post by The Fallout

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 6th, 2012 at 3:40 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

3 Responses to “[addict] – guest post by The Fallout”

The Yearning Ninny Says:

i love this post. What is the powerful combination of love and lust if not a psychological and physiological addiction?

Laura Says:

I’ve decided I don’t like this Fallout chick. Awesome writer, awesome posts, but something about her on THIS blog…I think it’s jealousy. On my part. Carry on.

SardonicBarbs Says:

hmm…something about her on this blog?
have you seen some of her other work then?

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