December 11th, 2012

[guest post by the Yearning Ninny]

Dear John,
After the shit realisation that our relationship had ended,
I have felt a long period of what can only be described as limbo.
Despite being single, and wanting to move on with my life,
I have pushed away any man that has shown me attention.
Even those I don’t want to push away.
Guys who are genuinely one of the good ones.
I have pushed them away for a range of inexplicable reasons;
too nice,
too caring,
too keen to talk to me about how my day has gone,
too eager to show me honourable intentions by buying me flowers after a first date,
too quick to mention the “r” word
(relationship; in case you hadn’t clicked)
But the real reason that I pushed these guys away is because I hadn’t accepted our situation.
Yes I knew we were over,
and the chances of us even seeing each other ever again were probably along the same odds of me winning the lottery,
but I hadn’t wanted to believe that.
I was still holding onto the hope that one day,
things would change.
So I didn’t want to get into anything that may or may not possibly get in the way of things working out with us some day in the future.
Which is ridiculous.
That kind of thinking puts your life on hold.
Well, your love life at least.
So, having got into the same situation a few times now, where I push away any guy that may actually help me move on in life,
I’ve realised I need to accept that we are no longer.
I can no longer look back longingly, wonder about what could have been,
or what one day might be;
instead I need to focus on the here and now.
And right now, that’s not us.
The love that I feel for you only makes the pain worse;
I can no longer continue with that pain;
I can no longer continue to love you.
So I guess what I’m saying in this letter is goodbye; again.
We had a lot of good times.
Good times that I will always treasure.
Good times that were never intended to stop either of us from living our lives.

Never again yours,
the Yearning Ninny

[guest post by the Yearning Ninny]

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