July 4th, 2012

Its been four days…
four long and excruciating days…
she looks over at her blackberry
it just sits there, screen dark, unyielding
mocking her need.
half her brain taunts her with chants of “I told you so”
the other half is curled in a fetal position, rocking back and forth
that half simply cannot believe that he would do this
four whole days
96 hours since they last spoke
5760 minutes since she felt that tug in her belly
his voice always got her
always left her wanting more
at least now she could admit it to herself…
…she wanted more.

it started off as a fling
he flirted with her unceasingly whenever they were around each other
their mutual friends noticed how their eyes followed each other around the room
even if neither of them did
their dinner dates were always conversation and laughter filled
their movie nights intimate and comfortable
phone conversations
hours long
and then the sex…
she refused to think about the sex…
that part was just too much for her fragile mind to take.
but there was something missing
he seemed aloof at times
cold even
like he was trying to keep his distance from her
finally she broached the subject
she was never one for the “what are we doing?” conversation
but she felt like she was in danger of going down the rabbit hole with a faulty parachute
and she’d rather not
so they talked…
it was actually pretty casual
he really liked her, he said.
really enjoyed spending time with her, he said.
not seeing anyone else…he said.
No, he did not want to be in a relationship.
was not looking for a girlfriend or anything long term…
nothing against her, of course, but that was his where he was and his mind wasn’t for changing

and now here she is

…four days later
not a word from him
she is going crazy

what would happen if he called?
would she feel that familiar pull?
what if he showed up at her apartment?
would she open the door?
would she be able to not let him in?
Oh God…what if he touched her…?
she might erupt
turn to putty in his hands
…the worst part is, she knows she’d enjoy every minute and not even hate herself in the morning.
she has to be strong
but what if willing herself to be strong is simply not enough?
So she has her girlfriends…
they’ve given her tons of distraction…four days worth
but now she wants to call him
wants him to call her
to want her
Damn, she needs something stronger…
something to take the edge off
to dull her mind
something to soothe the burning in her brain
thoughts of him are a neverending stream through her mind
an infeststion
she needs him out of her head

desperately and now

she picks up her phone
scrolls through
she knows what she has to do
she wants HIM

…but what she needs is another guy

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 4th, 2012 at 9:36 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

5 Responses to “[thirst]”

The Yearning Ninny Says:

Ah man, it’s like u’ve been inside my brain

taynement Says:

There was a time where I’d agree with the last statement. I still don’t necessarily disagree but another guy would be a distraction that won’t necessarily make her not open the door if he shows up. I say what she needs is to let time do what it does (while still living life) and wean herself off him.

Alison Says:

Interesting. Would be nice to see a piece about a man who goes through the same.

The Yearning Ninny Says:

i agree…the man’s perspective on this fascinates me…

SardonicBarbs Says:

one would argue that men don’t go through the same throes because they already know that a new girl would distract them from the old girl.
it is one instance in which being a dog actually helps.

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